Are you struggling with sex and intimacy during this hard time?
Does sex feel like a chore or something that you have no energy and time for?
Whether you are quarantined with your partner 24/7 or you are separated from your partner, this time has really put relationships to the test.
With intense stress and uncertainty, sex and intimacy may not be at the top of your to do list.
Even in this time, you deserve to feel pleasure and connection!
There Is Hope
Imagine feeling reconnected to yourself and your partner.
Imagine igniting that spark again and feeling desire for sex and intimacy.
Imagine knowing that you and your partner will be able to make it through this hard time together.
How I Can Help
I am currently working with many clients on keeping intimacy and sex alive during the times of COVID-19.
By talking about your needs and wants while also brainstorming ways to make time for intimacy and sex, you can bring back those feelings of love and connection.
I would love to chat with you and see if we can work together on helping you achieve your own pleasure and satisfaction.
If you are interested please click the button below and fill out my contact form. I will be in touch with you soon to set up your Free 15-minute video consultation.
You wake up next to your partner and you both turn over and look at your phones. You may mumble a good morning and possibly steel a quick kiss, but you both are already planning for your individual days. You each have your morning routine and off to work or school you go.
When you get home, you both are exhausted and just want to spend time to yourself or plop in front of the T.V. to watch a favorite show together. Anything besides taking care of the bare minimum in your relationship feels like another thing on the to do list.
Spending time together one-on-one often gets pushed to the side for other important things such as work, school, family, and friends. When it does happen, it ends up being more passive time together, where you are both in the same room but are each doing your own separate task or hobby.
Occasionally, you both have the thought of “Oh, ya…we should probably have sex.” It's been about a week, a month, a year…? Sex just gets put on the back burner and is not something you or your partner like to discuss. Maybe sex is brought up frequently but the conversation is filled with tension, pressure, and anxiety.
You communicate well on how to split responsibilities and manage your life together, but the connection that was once there, the PASSION, seems lost.
Sex feels like a chore!
Because sex and intimacy have tension surrounding them, you and your partner end up fighting more often, feeling frustrated and upset about what to do. Deep down you both feel hurt, guilt, and shame and maybe feel like you are the problem.
You probably have questioned whether this relationship can work or if this is just a normal progression in a relationship and you have to find a way to live with it.
You both feel isolated, alone, and helpless.
Maybe one of you tends to want sex more often and it is harder for the other person to get out of their heads and into their body.
Maybe at one point sex started to become painful and it has been something you have dreaded ever since. Maybe to please your partner you started saying YES to sex when you really wanted to say NO.
Maybe you have had a lot of shame, guilt, or trauma from your past around sex and this has impeded you from being able to connect fully with your partner through sex.
Maybe your body parts have failed to work the way you wanted them to and now you feel extreme anxiety whenever the topic of sex comes up.
Maybe you have a fantasy you think is weird or out there and you are afraid to talk about it with your partner.
You both respect and love each other and want this relationship to work. But how??
It often feels as though you are never going to be able to feel connected sexually to your partner again.
You deserve to have a pleasurable and satisfying sex life!
You deserve to feel trust, connection, and understanding with your partner!
You deserve for sex to be FUN again!!!
There Is Hope
Imagine having the kind of sex and connection you want in your relationship. You feel connected to your partner during sex and in between your sexual experiences.
Imagine being able to speak honestly and openly about your needs, wants, and desires. Imagine each of you feeling confident in your own sexuality and knowing you are safe to share and explore that in the relationship.
Imagine knowing sex does not have to equal penetration and orgasm and you do not have to be pressured to have penetrative sex because you and your partner can experience pleasure in many differed ways!
Imagine feeling excited and invigorated to have sex again and find yourself having a desire to have sex with your partner. Imagine feeling free to say YES!!! and NO! to sex and pleasure without guilt or shame!
Imagine sex being FUN and connector to each other when life gets challenging.
I am here to help!
How Does Sex Therapy Work
As a therapist who focuses on sex and sexual health, I work with couples and people in all different types of relationships, focusing on the physical relationship and how that can help improve all the other aspects of the relationship.
I often begin by helping each person tell the story of their own sexual history and what their thoughts and beliefs are around sex and sexuality. I then look at the couples’ sexual history together and how they have progressed into the problems they are currently facing.
From there, we will work together on shifting mindsets and using exercises to refocus the attention and expectations for sex in the relationship. I want to help the people I work with paint the picture of what their ideal sex life would look like, and then use tools and skills to get you and your partner to that desired point.
Specific Goals That May Be Achieved
Learning to eliminate or relax distractions
Learning to communicate what you would like in a positive way
Learning non-demand or non-sexual touching
Learn new ways of experiencing pleasure
Explore fantasies together
Decreasing pressure, stress, and anxiety around sex
Increasing or enhancing sexual stimulation
Learning about anatomy and how to use it to the fullest capabilities
Learning consent and the importance of an enthusiastic YES! and NO!
Minimizing pain during intercourse or any other type of sexual touch
Decreasing shame and guilt
Learning that you and your partner(s) are NORMAL!!!!
Questions You May Have
Is talking about sex with a therapist awkward?
Yes, talking about sex with anyone can be awkward, especially with a professional you are just getting to know. However, I am extremely sex positive and I am all for people having the sex life they desire. As long as it is consensual, there is nothing that is off limits. Plus, part of the fun of our work together is getting everything out in the open and for you to see that talking about penises and vaginas is not so scary after all!
Do you do Sex Addiction Therapy?
NO I do not! The training I have received that meets the criteria to become a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) holds the belief that sex addiction is not an accurate depiction of someone who feels out of control in their sexual behavior. Being sex positive, this profession and organization treats what we call Out of Control Sexual Behavior by exploring this behavior further with our clients in a non-judgmental way and often attempting to decrease the shame and stigma associated with such behaviors until they feel more acceptable, manageable, and in line with that person’s values.
Sex Addiction Therapy dictates what is ‘normal’ sexual behavior and what is ‘not-normal.’ If a client falls in the category of ‘not-normal,’ they are treated as if they have any other addiction and must go through a period of abstaining from all sexual pleasure, especially the problematic behavior. Then the client is sometimes taught how to re-engage in ‘normal’ sexual behavior with a partner and sometimes is not taught anything other than resisting urges and abstaining from whatever behavior is labeled ‘deviant’.
This is NOT sex positivity. Even if I do not personally engage in a specific sexual behavior, I have no place to tell someone what is ‘normal’ or ‘not-normal’ for their own sexual experience and pleasure, again as long as everything is consensual. I fully support people being free to explore themselves and their relationships and test the limits of what we have been taught is ‘normal.’
Do you work with relationships that involve Non-Consensual Acts?
No! Any type of abuse (physical, sexual, psychological, emotional, financial, etc.) is not tolerated in the therapeutic setting and therapy will not work when there is a sever power imbalance like this in a relationship. If you are an individual who is afraid in a relationship due to abuse, please contact me as an individual and I would be happy to support you.
Do you work with people who are in a relationship with more than one person?
Yes! I really enjoy working with people who are in polyamorous relationships or are contemplating polyamory. I think monogamy and polyamory are just different ways of doing relationships and it's about finding the right fit for you. To do either of them well, also takes many of the same skills in communication, vulnerability, and boundaries. Monogamy is the default in society and it works great for some and not great for others or can serve us in one time in our life and not serve us in others. I am a judgement free zone when it comes to different relationship structures, again as long as it is consensual with everyone involved.
Are you Kink and BDSM friendly?
Yes! The main criteria I have for clients is to be honest with themselves and their partner(s) about what they need, want, and desire and to have consent. The rest is up to you!
Are you queer/ LGBTQIA+ friendly?
Yes! No matter your identity, sex is an important part of life for all of us. Even for those who identify as asexual, this can still be tricky to navigate in relationships. I am open and here for you no matter who you are or what you identify as, label or no label.
Is having sex in front of you or getting coached while having sex part of the process?
That is a hard NO! There are professionals out there that can provide a more hands on approach but my work is strictly talk based. Though we can definitely get into the nitty gritty in our conversations, there is no sexual contact that happens in our work together.
Are you ready to start the journey back to CONNECTION and AWESOME SEX?
Are you ready to feel comfortable in your own skin again with your partner(s)?
Learn new possibilities for your sex life then maybe you even imagined?
If you would like to schedule a FREE 15 minute video consultation to talk about how I can help you achieve the life you deserve and desire, fill out my contact form on this page or click the button below and fill out my contact from on my contact page.
I look forward to speaking with you and seeing if we would be a good fit to work together.