COVID-19 Dating and Sex Therapy
Are you feeling lonely at home during quarantine?
Are you struggling with dating when you are not able to meet anyone in person?
Are you struggling with sex and intimacy having become something that you can only do solo?
Has this time alone made you feel like you are confronting some of your insecurities in your sexuality, what you want in a relationship, or being alone?
You deserve to feel confident in who you are!
You deserve to continue to date and get to know someone on a mental and emotional level, even in quarantine.
There is Hope
Imagine feeling comfortable and hopeful about your dating life, even if it is only online.
Imagine having a space to talk about some of the insecurities that are coming up for you in this time of crisis.
Imagine learning the power of self-pleasure and finding confidence and acceptance in your own sexuality.
How I Can Help
I work with many of my clients on the intricacies of dating and how to feel comfortable in just being who you are.
I want to help you learn what you want and need out of relationships, the tools to ask for those things, and how to set appropriate boundaries.
I can help you work through some of your hesitancies around sex, gender, or any other identities that are causing you discomfort.
Relationships are so important to our lives and overall health and I want to make sure you enter into new relationships with confidence.
I would love to chat with you and see if we can work together on helping you achieve your own personal goals.
If you are interested please click the button below and fill out my contact form. I will be in touch with you soon to set up your Free 15-minute video consultation!
You wake up and immediately check your dating apps and text messages to see who has gotten back to you since last night or who you may have matched with.
You respond to some of the conversation starters with some flirty, hopefully witty (cross fingers emoji), responses.
You have been on serval dates this week.
After a few weeks of many first dates and maybe some second dates, you already feel depleted.
Even though it feels good to have people interested in talking to you and meeting you, you are starting to feel like dating is exhausting and maybe you feel more alone than ever. You want to just have some time to yourself, but you also hate the idea of sitting at home alone.
You may feel that if you do not go out, you could be missing out!
If you finally do find someone that is worth more than 1-2 dates, you start to get into the anxiety spirals of “What are they thinking?”, “Am I saying too much?”, “Am I saying too little?”, “How often should I text them?”, “Am I being too clingy?”, “Am I being too aggressive?”, “Am I showing that I’m interested enough?”, “Do they like me?”
When texting, you continue to stare at those three little dots, wishing and hoping that the conversation continues.
You notice that you often have a hard time asking for what you want and need!
You allow the other person(s) to dictate what happens or does not happen on dates or in relationships. Maybe you often solicit advice from all your friends because you are afraid to trust yourself to make good decisions in your dating life.
You also may have a hard time with sex and intimacy in your dating or intimate relationships.
Intimacy and sex may be something that is shameful!
Maybe you grew up in a conservative household that preached staying away from any type of sex or intimacy. Maybe you just grew up in a home that did not talk about sex and dating and you have just learned about it from experience or friend’s experiences.
Maybe you have developed a sexual behavior or sexual interest that you feel shame around and have not wanted to talk about with anyone.
You may have had a sexual experience that did not go as planned and have suffered from confusion and shame ever since.
Perhaps you seek out sex and intimacy to fill a void of loneliness or to gain a sense of control that you feel you have lost. However, when it comes to really opening up and being vulnerable with someone, you run away or create distance because it’s scary and leaves you open to heartbreak.
You dream of having a happy and healthy long term relationship or maybe you just want to feel comfortable with the type of relationships you are seeking.
Shame, lack of knowledge, and insecurities, however, get in the way of you feeling confident in yourself, what you are looking for in a relationship, and your own sexuality.
You deserve to have successful and loving relationships!!
You deserve to feel confident enough to just say “FUCK IT!” and BE YOURSELF!!
You deserve to find someone or many someone’s that love and appreciate everything that makes you…you!
What the Future Can Hold
Imagine knowing that you do not have to play games to get someone to like you and show genuine interest in getting to know you.
Imagine being able to ask for the things you need and want in a relationship without feeling afraid of pushing someone out the door.
Imagine feeling safe and secure in your own decisions and ability to follow your heart.
Imagine having the confidence and boundaries to say NO to the things or relationships that do not meet your needs and expectations.
Imagine being confident in yourself and your sexuality!
This is all possible!!
But How Does Dating and Sex Therapy Work??
I have worked with many individuals around dating and how to be themselves in relationships. Whether you are currently in a relationship or are on and off the dating apps, working through insecurities and how to be comfortable with who you are is the key to finding or getting exactly what you desire.
My work often begins with looking at the past.
What did you learn or not learn in your family or environment growing up that can impact how you enter into relationships now?
Then, I move into more of your own history around dating and sexuality. In discussing your dating history and sexual history, we start to paint the picture of what has led you to the moment you are in now and how has the past informed what you are currently looking for and needing.
Once we know the past, then I will help you to understand where you are in the present and declare what you want for the future.
The Ways We Work Towards Your Goals:
Working through anxiety, fear, and shame
Working through insecurities
Working on understanding your body and how it works
Working on self-worth and self-love
Working on self-care
Working on communication
Working on creating and maintaining boundaries
Working on understanding and asking for what you need and want
Working on identity and being comfortable with who you are
Working on attachment styles and how to feel secure in relationships
Working on being vulnerable and opening yourself up to new possibilities
Understanding that chances are…YOU ARE NORMAL!!!
Questions You May Have
Is talking about sex with a therapist awkward?
Yes, talking about sex with anyone can be awkward, especially with a professional you are just getting to know. However, I am extremely sex positive and I am all for people having the sex life they desire. As long as it is consensual, there is nothing that is off limits. Plus, part of the fun of our work together is getting everything out in the open and for you to see that talking about penises and vaginas is not so scary after all!
Do you do Sex Addiction Therapy?
NO I do not! The training I have received that meets the criteria to become a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) holds the belief that sex addiction is not an accurate depiction of someone who feels out of control in their sexual behavior. Being sex positive, this profession and organization treats what we call Out of Control Sexual Behavior by exploring this behavior further with our clients in a non-judgmental way and often attempting to decrease the shame and stigma associated with such behaviors until they feel more acceptable, manageable, and in line with that person’s values.
Sex Addiction Therapy dictates what is ‘normal’ sexual behavior and what is ‘not-normal.’ If a client falls in the category of ‘not-normal,’ they are treated as if they have any other addiction and must go through a period of abstaining from all sexual pleasure, especially the problematic behavior. Then the client is sometimes taught how to re-engage in ‘normal’ sexual behavior with a partner and sometimes is not taught anything other than resisting urges and abstaining from whatever behavior is labeled ‘deviant’.
This is NOT sex positivity. Even if I do not personally engage in a specific sexual behavior, I have no place to tell someone what is ‘normal’ or ‘not-normal’ for their own sexual experience and pleasure, again as long as everything is consensual. I fully support people being free to explore themselves and their relationships and test the limits of what we have been taught is ‘normal.’
I’m an individual person who is in a relationship(s), can we talk about my relationship?
Yes, absolutely! It is extremely beneficial for you to do your own work around how you communicate and what may be some of your barriers that impact the relationship. Because I am a systems therapist, I believe that when one part of the system starts to shift, the rest of the system begins to shift around it as well. In other words, if you start to do the work yourself, chances are your partner is going to notice and start to respond to you differently than before. I do let clients know though that sometimes individual work can only go so far when talking about relationships. I make it known to clients that I can only speculate or hypothesize around what their partner(s) may be thinking or where they may be coming from. I recommend couples counseling to clients in addition to their individual work when I believe it is appropriate.
Do you work with people who engage in Non-Consensual Sexual Acts?
No. I do not have the specific training to work with individuals who seek out non-consensual acts of any kind. I will have to refer you to someone with this specific type of expertise.
Do you work with people who are in a relationship with more than one person?
Yes! I really enjoy working with people who are in polyamorous relationships or are contemplating polyamory.
I think monogamy and polyamory are just different ways of doing relationships and it's about finding the right fit for you. To do either of them well, also takes many of the same skills in communication, vulnerability, and boundaries.
Monogamy is the default in society and it works great for some and not great for others or can serve us in one time in our life and not serve us in others. I am a judgement free zone when it comes to different relationship structures, again as long as it is consensual with everyone involved.
Are you Kink and BDSM friendly?
Yes! The main criteria I have for clients is to be honest with themselves and their partner(s) about what they need, want, and desire and to have consent. The rest is up to you!
Are you queer/ LGBTQIA+ friendly?
Yes! No matter your identity, sex is an important part of life for all of us. Even for those who identify as asexual, this can still be tricky to navigate in yourself and in relationships. I am open and here for you no matter who you are or what you identify as, label or no label.
Is having sex in front of you or getting coached while having sex part of the process?
That is a hard NO! There are professionals out there that can provide a more hands on approach but my work is strictly talk based. Though we can definitely get into the nitty gritty in our conversations, there is no sexual contact that happens in our work together.
Looking Towards the Future
Are you ready to have fulfilling and healthy relationships?
Are you ready to have good communication skills and good boundaries?
Are ready to ask for what you want and say NO to what you do not?
Are you ready to have a great relationship to sex and sexuality with yourself and with your partner(s)?
If you would like to schedule a FREE 15 minute video consultation to talk about how I can help you achieve the life you deserve and desire, fill out the contact form on this page or click the button below and fill out my contact form on my contact page.
I look forward to speaking with you and seeing if we would be a good fit to work together.